Hair Aliens – A Tall Tale

I routinely like to sit coffee shops, observe people, and write about what I see in a notebook or on my laptop.. Occasionally, someone will walk up to me and stick up a conversation. On a rarer occasion, I will strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting.

On this one occasion, a stranger walked up to me. He set in the chair at my table and stared at me. Finally, I looked up at him. A few moments later, he said, “Can I tell you a story you maybe interested in writing about?”

I didn’t want to seem inhospitable, so I nodded. “I am always interest in hearing a good story.”
“I have a tale to tell. I ask that you don’t interrupt me until I am finished.” He said with a determination.

I motioned with my hand, and said, “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“My story starts almost fifty years ago. The reason I am telling it to you today is I lied back then. I lied so people won’t think I am crazy. I still feel guilty for that lie.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

I’m referring to my six-year absence.. I haven’t told the truth to anyone since then.. I didn’t want people to think of me as completely crazy. When asked about what happened, I say, “I can’t remember”. I feel the time has come for me to speak the truth.”

“You have my attention. Tell me your story.” I said.
“The official record states my disappearance took place while hitchhiking through the northern part of California. Six years later, a sheriff’s deputy found me wandering along a county road south in southwestern Idaho. I said, I couldn’t remember what happened to me. Many people speculated I wondered around remotes parts of Northern California, Oregon, and Southwestern Idaho for those six years. Some thought I had amnesia. I remember and need to come clean about my past..

Back in the mid 1970s, I was quite an irresponsible young man. If a job doesn’t interest me, I’d quit and look for something more captivating.. I hated routine. I would take a college class. I would move on to something more interesting if it became too difficult or unchallenging..

In the summer of 1974, I was sleeping on a friend’s couch in San Francisco. Whatever I did bored me, so one morning, I stuffed some basic supplies into my backpack. I rolled up my sleeping bag and then pointed my thumb north along Interstate 5.

I approached the Oregon border by the end of the first day.. My ride dropped me off just north of Mount Shasta. I found this interesting trail leading into a remote area to explore and spend the night.

I came upon this little hallow. A creek flowed through its center. After picking out an ideal spot to spend the night, I unrolled my sleeping bag. I gathered and made a pine needle mattress to sleep on..

Early the next morning when the sky changed from black to gray. A musky smell woke me up. The thought of a grizzle bear coming by and having me for breakfast scared me. Gradually, opening my eyes, what I saw caused me to quickly close them. Slowly, I opened them again. Not six feet from me stood two hairy trees. I turned over to my other side. I opened my eyes to see four more hairy trees. At first, I thought I was dreaming.

My eyes flowed up the four hairy trees until they joined into two larger trunks with two branches sticking out of each. On each set had an unattractive gorilla face looking down at me.

My eyes met one of them. It said, “Owaaha Wiah.”

Then the big hairy creature beside the first knelt down. In perfect English, he said, “You have to excuse my brother. He doesn’t have the patience to learn your language.”

My eyes could get no larger. I pinched myself to get back to reality. I genuinely thought I was experiencing a flashback from my last LSD trip.. Closing and opening my eyes several times didn’t make the creatures go away.

Kneeling in front of me, the creature declared, “You’re not dreaming. We have a camp not far from here.” For some reason, when he spoke, I didn’t feel so afraid.

I followed them for about a mile and a half. They stopped. The leader said, “Until we know more about you, we are going to have to cover your head for the rest of the way.”

They led me for at least another thirty minutes. When they lifted the hood from my head, my eyes popped in amazement. Smooth metal walls with display screens and flashing light made me think we were in a spaceship.

Another one of those hairy creatures came up to me and said, “Nahaww,” H”. “Excuse me. I am forgetting, you haven’t learned to speak Wayok yet. You must be hunger. We are about to eat our first meal of the day. Come and join us.”

I got led me down a level and into another room. In the center of that room set a circular table and benches all around. I relaxed when I found out they were vegetarians. Their vegetables appeared different than anything I had ever seen. They had tasted pretty darn good. I thought I would miss eating meat, but for the time I spent with them, I didn’t.

Over the next couple weeks, I learned their language, and some things about the technology. These big hairy creatures were definitely not from earth or our galaxy. Their spaceship would enter a black hole and get shot out another black hole many light years away.

This crew had the assignment of mapping black holes as a means of traveling across their galaxy. The last black hole they entered came out in our galaxy. Their ship got damaged when they came out and hit a comet. These creatures had such big hands when came to working on fine electronics, their children did all the work for them. Now their children had grown into adulthood. They need someone to help replace certain parts and do soldiering.

They had no choice but to reach out to us earth people for help.

I wasn’t the only earth human enlisted to help these creatures. When I first arrived, two young film students had already been helping the Wayoks. I knew them as George and Steve.

After work, the Wayoks would gather in a circle to share tales about their galaxy. George, Steve and myself, joined the Wayoks telling stories. I noticed George and Steve would take notes when the Wayoks would tell one of their stories.

George and Steve suggested the Wayok’s leader approach earth’s leaders in becoming an alliance. The Wayok’s rejected the idea because of the distance.

The Wayoks were persuaded by George and Steve to gather repair materials from a nearby town.. The Wayok’s kept their cameras to ensure they would return, but they didn’t.

The Wayok’s kept a close eye on me for some time afterwards. I enjoyed working with them on getting their ship back up and running. I even learned a lot about some amazing things. Things no earthly college could teach me.

These Wayoks had gold coins with funny symbols on them. I convinced them I could melt down a couple coins, then them into town, claiming I had found a gold mine. Use the gold to pay for supplies needed to finish fixing their ship.

Five and a half years later, their ship was ready to take the Wayoks back to their home galaxy. I wanted to go back with them. After some discussion, we decided it was best for them to drop me off some place a suitable distance from where they found me. That is why they dropped me off in southern Idaho, before heading back to their home galaxy.

A week after arriving in Boise, I walked past a movie theater. Standing in front of that theater, I got so furious. George and Steve were making a lot of money off the stories these hairy aliens told us. If I said anything, I would of have been thrown into an asylum. Who would take my word over that of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg? Finally, I came at peace with the reality, George and Steve have made a lot of money, but have some very big friends from a galaxy far far away.